Throughout the holiday season, the UNMC Wellness Team will be offering weekly wellness advice in UNMC Today. The team is comprised of Steve Wengel, MD, Sarah Fischer, PhD, and Priya Gearin, MD. Dr. Wengel is UNMC’s assistant vice chancellor for campus wellness and a professor in the UNMC Department of Psychiatry.
Don’t you just love the holiday season? It’s fast approaching. While we often look forward to the trappings of the season, and especially the family get-togethers, let’s be honest – sometimes we have a little dread mixed in with the anticipation.
When family members get together after not seeing each other for a while, of course we want to catch up. This year, we might be catching up on politics with the election so recently behind us. In some family gatherings, there may be disagreements about political candidates and ballot initiatives.
So how can we enjoy each other’s company and yet head off arguments at holiday dinners?
If you are worried about the possibility of a conflict at dinner, set some ground rules ahead of time. Let the group know that you love and respect all of them and you want your dinner table to be a peaceful place. So this year, we are going to have a new rule: No politics at the table. (Or fill in the blank with the difficult subjects for your own family.) There are plenty of other topics to choose from for a good family discussion – and it’s not a bad idea to think ahead of time about some other less controversial topics.
Here’s a tip I gleaned from an online article a few years ago: When setting the ground rule above, also pass along a code word that anyone can use to “call an audible” if they notice the conversation veering in a bad direction. For example, a suggested word could be “mistletoe.” If someone uses that word, the current conversation stops, and someone changes the subject. Said in a lighthearted way, it can help keep the peace.
And one more tip – try to set realistic goals for those holiday feasts. Don’t try to live up to those perfect holiday tables you see on TV – they have a whole army of food stylists and other pros to make everything look pretty as a picture.
Remember that the real reason for getting together is to enjoy each others’ company.