In the wake of recent sex scandals involving coaches at Penn State University and Syracuse University, parents are reminded of the need to set healthy boundaries between children and influential adults in their lives.
Lynda Madison, Ph.D., clinical associate professor in the department of pediatrics and psychiatry and a local private practice psychologist, will lead a Wednesday campus session sponsored by the UNMC Faculty Employee Assistance Program on this topic.
Below Dr. Madison talks with UNMC Today about this subject.
This seems like a difficult topic to broach with our children.
Parents want to balance their desire to keep their children safe with the need to let them experience a variety of activities and people. We all want our children to stay innocent and protected from the ills of society as long as possible. Unfortunately, missing opportunities to talk about unsafe scenarios is the least likely way to keep them safe.
Some parents worry that, while the danger is real, that they could shatter their children’s faith in trusted adults by broaching this subject.
Parents should encourage children’s respect for the authority of coaches, teacher and other leaders. But it’s also important to help them know there can be unsafe situations in any setting, and that it’s OK to talk about and question those situations. Let children know even adults sometimes do things that aren’t right, and it’s important to follow certain safety rules such as:
- Not spending time alone with adults other than family members;
- Not allowing certain kinds of touch; and
- If they feel something’s not right, talk to their parents.
Do coaches, teachers and other types of mentors need coaching on these types of boundaries?
Following basic safety rules protects adults, too. Someone who refuses to meet basic and accepted standards in this area probably should not involve themselves in youth activities.
For kids who set boundaries, is it based more on feel than any hard and fast rules?
The goal should be to teach children to trust themselves when they get a funny feeling that something isn’t right, even if they can’t say what that is. One thing that can help is to pay attention to how we, as parents, model personal boundaries and how we stand up in situations where we feel uncomfortable with something. If a situation doesn’t feel right, talk to the other adults involved.